It’s been a while…

I cannot believe how long it has taken me to find the time to sit and bring you up-to-date. Actually. Thats a lie. I can. It’s been quite hard to a) find the time and b) put it in writing. Here’s why.

Jan 11th. That was the date of my last post. January the 11th 2016. Rather ironically, that post was about antenatal classes and how excited I was looking forward to a normal birthing experience. Exactly four weeks later my waters broke.

The “birth plan” was to stay home as long as possible once my waters broke so when I called the hospital to tell them they’d broke and they told me to get straight there, I panicked. The water was brown which meant the baby could be in distress but could also just be common as I was five days overdue. I immediately starting being violently sick and overwhelmed with panic. This was not how it was meant to be. My TENS machine and soothing massage oils aren’t even opened. As I was soon to find out, there really is no such thing as a birth plan.

Outside, there was a huge storm, Storm Imogen was hitting the South West and my boyfriend was even more stressed about driving his anxious, wet, puking girlfriend to hospital. I am sure we had some sort of guardian angel that night because as soon as I we finally got in the car, the gale force winds and rain quietened and we got to St Micheals Hospital safely. Once inside, thunder and lightning began and I don’t just mean outside.

The pain was crazy and I didn’t feel at all prepared. It was only when the midwive told me what was going on that I realised why. The baby was back-to-back and I needed an epidural, fast. The one thing I did not want in my “plan”. Typically, the first epidural was placed in too far and only worked for 30 minutes (Best 30 minutes of my life though! Didn’t feel a thing!) and meant that the pain came back even stronger than before and I now couldn’t move the top half of my back. They gave me a much stronger epidural and lo and behold, that didn’t work either. Two failed epidurals and one screaming soon-t0-be mamma.

This post is getting long, so let’s cut to the chase, 24 hours of labour later I was ready to push. It sounds weird but the pushing didn’t hurt. It was exciting. I was going to finally meet little Snowie and see what they were! Everything was going great and I was getting the baby out naturally, when suddenly 30 people filled the room.

Midwives, surgeons, doctors, angels all rushed in. I had shoulder dystocia. The baby was stuck under my pubic bone. It’s extremely rare (two in every 100 births) and I was totally unprepared. The doctor managed to get the baby out by cutting me (ouch…) and the baby came out bright blue with the cord around its neck and no crying.

I have never been more scared in my whole life and doubt I ever will be again. Thankfully, I didn’t see the baby bright blue as I don’t think the image would ever leave my mind. My poor boyfriend however, saw everything. Me screaming and bleeding everywhere, doctors trying to calm me and stitch me up, surgeons trying to bring our baby round. I couldn’t stop looking at his face. Praying to see something that told me it would be ok.

Six minutes. Six long long minutes. That’s how long it was before we heard her cry. Her. Our little girl. She’d not been able to breathe on her own, was extremely distressed and couldn’t move her right arm but my girl was here.

The relief was unbelievable and I still cry recalling it now. That’s why it’s taken me so long to write it down. The few hours and days that followed where a bit of a blur. I couldn’t breastfeed as my body and the baby had suffered such trauma and she was diagnosed with Erbs Palsy on her right side but I was just so grateful to have her.

When I started this blog, I wanted to tell you ladies that you could do it. That no matter what people say or how your mind tells you can’t, you can. Whether you are plus size or not. That still stands but I can tell you that had it not been for my weight, the epidural may have been successful and the labour may not have been 24 hours and so painful.

If I EVER considered having a baby again, I’d definately lose weight first. Lots of it. I’m already 2.5 stone down…

I will continue this blog into my plus size parenthood and see where we go. Thanks for sticking with me. Here she is.

Dorothy Rae Wakeling. Born 2.31am on Tuesday 9th February 2016 weighing 9lb 14oz!!!

Dottie-Rae to her friends.


PS St Michaels Hospital staff are incredible. We both owe them our lives. You’d be very lucky to have your baby there.


Meeting The Hopkins

The secret is finally out. A few months ago, I was approached to appear on a TV documentary. I was naturally sceptical as they contacted me through this blog which is often just spam when not other lovely ladies. However, something made me reply to them and two days of phone calls, mental health evaluations and interviews later – I was booked.

To say I was dubious about doing it when I found out it was Katie Hopkins’ show is more than a little of an understatement. Although I watched her My Fat Story documentary last year and often read her articles, ¬†and agreed with points, I certainly wouldn’t want to be on the wrong side of her opinion. She is more than open about “hating fat people” and I couldn’t see how any good could come of me talking to her.

But something made me go through with it and I am so glad I did. Firstly because she turned up with a lovely bunch of flowers for me as she’d heard it was the day after my birthday – I know, was this really foul-mouthed Katie Hopkins?


As we sat in the back of a car waiting for the cameras to be set up (glam life of TV!) I annoyingly warmed to her. She was so open, interesting and dare I say it, witty, that we got on straight away.

Unfortunately for me, that continued on camera with even the director pulling me aside to tell me not to be scared to have a go at her if I didn’t agree with anything she said. I wasn’t just being polite, I told him, I do agree with her! I think this is why my whole morning filming was just 3 minutes of airtime. She just found my story and stats really interesting and kept telling me how smart and articulate I was – not great for the controversial Hopkins we see on TV. We even snuck off for a cheeky hot chocolate after filming!


Although it was great to meet her and really scary to go on a show that was watched by over 10 million people in America alone last year, I am a little disappointed. I really hope I got my point across that plus size pregnancy needn’t be the end of the World. Yes, I’d have loved to have lost 3 more stone by the time I fell pregnant but hey, that’s life – expect the unexpected and deal with it. My body wanted to be pregnant so it did. If it’s ready – so am I.

Don’t tell me how awful an experience I will have, don’t tell me everything will go wrong and definitely don’t tell me I am harming my baby. My baby is doing great. I am doing great. Even the witchy consultant has signed me off and back to midwife-led care because I am having a very healthy, normal pregnancy despite the odds they kept telling me.

I have had messages from people agreeing with me, asking questions and thanking me for showing them they aren’t alone. It’s not just plus sized pregnancies but all pregnancies – don’t make mums-to-be more anxious than they already are. Teach them to prepare and enjoy the experience like all mums should be able to, regardless of their circumstances.

So, thanks Katie Hopkins for opening the doors to more people who I can hopefully help! That’s all I ask, just one comment saying I have helped someone makes it all worthwhile. Even if I have to go through the shit so the next woman doesn’t have to. Be strong, know your rights and ask for normal!