Three little letters make up the one short word I never thought I’d become. For most of my life, I didn’t think being a mum was for me. Late in to my twenties and I was still partying far too hard, working a job I loved and being an Aunty to the best nieces you could wish for. To even think about making my own family was too far away, too much to give up. I didn’t see a need for anything more. I also worried my weight would stop me ever being a mum.
Then I was blessed with a relationship that showed me there was more to come for me. Falling pregnant was the most scared I’ve ever felt about anything – ever! The worry, fear and anxiety of what was to come was almost too much to bear. How could I be a mum when I still had so much to learn myself? How would I be good enough?
My baby is now almost one month old and I am still coming to terms with her traumatic entrance into the world. My daughter has made me feel so much more than I imagined and I still don’t know what being a mum really means. When do you really feel like a mum? Is there a certain exam I pass to get a certificate that says yes, you’re a mum now? Am I ready? Will I ever feel normal again?
I don’t know the rules and I don’t know what I’m doing each day but I know that Dottie coming into my life as changed me. Made me that one little word I never thought I’d be lucky enough to become. I’m now filled with excitement (alongside the fear!) about the adventure she is about to take me on. If it’s anything like what I put my mum through, it’s going to be a tough ride!
To all the other new mums out there, let’s enjoy every single moment. Yes, even the screaming, whinging, get-me-out-of-here-now ones!