Those little blue lines

I found out I was pregnant when I was 4 weeks in. Well, I officially found out that is. I had a clue in the back of my mind for a couple of weeks after a drunken night with my boyfriend at a friend’s wedding and sort of dreaded taking a test.

When I was eventually brave enough to pee on a stick – how difficult is that by the way? Totally washed my hands around 18 times an hour for the rest of the day. I couldn’t believe it when the two blue lines appeared saying I was pregnant.

I’m very fortunate to be in a relationship with an amazing man. My first thought wasn’t “what will he say?” My first thought was “Aren’t I too fat to get pregnant?”.

Every book you read will tell you that you need to be a perfect BMI to fall pregnant and to lose weight before trying. Here I was, overweight and up the duff! How can this be? I was really scared.

Luckily, my fella, Chris, was super happy and within a few days I started to feel excited too and tried to push my doubts to the back of my mind. I booked my first appointment and found out I had to be weighed and have a blood test. Two of my worst fears in life!

I spent the next three weeks having panic attacks every time I thought about going to meet the midwive for the first time. What on earth would she think of me? How irresponsible to get pregant when I am so obese? What will my blood test show? I even thought she may ask me not to keep the baby. I barely slept in the days leading up to it and read a lot of forums with mums to be saying their midwive had been so rude and horrible. (Will I ever learn not to Google things?!)

When the day finally arrived, I made Chris come along with me for support/make sure I actually went in. I broke down in tears as soon as I walked in to the midwive’s room (I know, so awkward. What a tit). She was so nice to me though and so I just blamed my hormones.

Yes I had to be weighed and yes my BMI is very high but no, she wasn’t cruel just factual. She also told me there would be nothing different to any other pregnancy except they will keep a closer eye on me. That can only be a good thing right? My blood pressure and everything else was totally fine.

She was so lovely and talked through all of my worries and I didn’t even faint when she took my blood, which is a first. Overall, it was a really positive experience for a first appointment and I left feeling so much better. Now I am just dreading the scan but more on that later!

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